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5.21.2004

Pink Slip  
A few days ago, Robert Mugabe said he might someday retire. Now comes this open letter to the dallying despot.
NOTICE OF TERMINATION OF EMPLOYMENT
Letter From The People Of Zimbabwe
Dear Mr Mugabe,

Please receive notice that the people of Zimbabwe, your employers, hereby advise that your services are no longer required and therefore give immediate notice of termination of your employment. Please relinquish your post, vacate the offices of the people of Zimbabwe, return your vehicles and such monies and material commodities as have been accrued by you during your term of office and vacate the residential premises provided by the tax paying public. The people of Zimbabwe are not compelled to give reasons for the termination of your employment, however, given the serious nature of the breech of conditions of your employment, the following serves to explain this decision, whereafter no further debate will be entered into.

The people, the sovereign guardians of democracy in Zimbabwe, deem you guilty of flagrantly disregarding the foundations of freedom; justice and peace in their country; disregarding their inherent dignity, equal and inalienable rights and their security. You show absolute condescension for respect for human rights, resulting in barbarous acts injuring the helpless, maiming the innocent and outraging the consciences of a peace-loving nation. You deny the country the right to enjoy freedom of speech, the right to believe and the right to freedom from fear.

You invoke heinous acts that repudiate all Zimbabweans the right to reject your tyranny and oppression and you deny the people their rights to be protected by the rule of law. The people of Zimbabwe reaffirm their faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of their fellow people and the determination they have to promote social and economic progress and better standards of their lives freely, but you deliberately strive to unequivocally destroy all. [...]

To avoid any further unnecessary national and international steps being instituted against you in the interest of Zimbabwe's future and stability in the region, please receive this notice with the responsible graciousness you profess to practice.

Yours faithfully,
The people of Zimbabwe

cc : The People of Zimbabwe and the International Community

In other words, "You can't quit-- you're fired!" If only it were so easy.